Good night, ladies, good night, sweet ladies, good night, good night.

PS.

I hurt myself again

But it wasn't to 'see if I still feel,' I'm just a douche.

Closing Time

So. I haven't blogged much recently.

I was on holiday then just... mindless, again. Like I'd never left. Like the library's the Lethe or something, I seem to forget every day as it passes.

In many ways I don't want to leave. I've met some lovely people here, and it's one of the most peaceful jobs I've had; I don't have to entertain people or deal with complaints or shovel muck around. I'm going to miss it.

But I don't think about that too much or I'll be crying in the tower like a princess, and right now I need to get back to

Education.

Location Location

Dude, when the library asks for an address, we mean the actual place you live. Some people have literally just started putting bunch of numbers and letters. We're not SatNav...

Still, at least that's a viable mistake. Unlike this, 

On a bus in Cambridge.

...

I have no idea what's been going on for most of the past few weeks, since my brain has been melting. And my body it seems, I keep losing bits of myself.

   

It's just weird being so mindlessly busy all the time, I literally feel like I switch on autopilot every morning and just don't even think for about 6hours (minus 2 for the tea and lunchtime conversation...

 Ok I'm being generous.)

I'm just not sure how I'm gonna cope with going back to uni and needing to follow a train of thought/argument for longer than a problem slip or a discussion about cake. And I'm worried because I know how this will end: I will be back. 

People always come back.

Grandpa in my Pocket

I'm sorry, but who decided that was a good idea for a magazine? Help the Aged?! There's even a picture of said grandpa in a pose that implies 'shush, little boy, it'll be our secret...'

Doodles

So I went to a hen do on Saturday

Don't fall out of a stretch Hummer, is my advice to you (stretch Ford, but that is a story for a different day.) Though the injury at least didn't hurt, cuz I was wearing my beer armour.

I also got to meet one of the cutest dogs in the world.

Or well, a dog who likes me. Which doesn't happen very often considering dogs usually like everybody.

Whatever. It's not important. At least I know how to wear my kredemnon.

Number 3 is my FAVE. Closely followed by 6, the moob tube.

Farmyard, Crunchie, Peter Pan

I've started reading this:

and am facing the inevitability that I will sink further and further into analysing children's literature, rather than the proper, academic, exam-funny Literature I am supposed to like. I ADORE it. The Secret Garden and the Lion King are probably my favourite films of all time. Anyway, I tend to fail at the real reading and writing things (definitely at 'rithmetic.) This is the sort of things that end up written on my work:

I also saw a mate recently and played a game where you draw shapes, then make them look like things. And these things supposedly say stuff about your ethos or something. Anyway,

Pretty telling, I think.

...

I'll leave you with a thought:

Otter

So I finished Zelda. Which has unlocked the MASTERQUEST, and I'm sure I'll manage to waste a good few lives on that in the future but right now it's time for a break. Time to get back to reality. Which is, incidentally, one big

 (cockalorum)

We've been down on fetchers and so have had to race around like otters on acid, when my personality is natrually more tortoise on morphine. 

My periphery is also screwed. I'm constantly crashing into things, and my body doesn't even have the common courtesy to offer me a bruise or two. I'm starting to think I have no capillaries.

The Graduand

 So I went to my brother's graduation yesterday, which is a nice excuse for a day off. That and I love a bit of Latin finger-holding/kneeling/carrying of mace. Proud parents. Tipsy parents, anyway. Papa-razzi.

A lot of library moving-ons are also happening at the moment. Wherever I look there are good luck cards and presents and sentimental moments. Look, where is your GRIT guys? Stick it out! Team WBG! South Court 4eva!

Well, until I leave.

You Are Getting Sleepy...

 

I am totally exhausted at the moment. Self-inflicted by a new shiny 3D Zelda game and too many nights with said game in one hand and an alcoholic beverage in the other. And it only arrived on Friday. By next month we'll probably be engaged.

I'm also spending a lot of time in dark stacks (interesting-sounds like a euphemism - 'Ive been in really dark stacks lately about that name tag mixup...') because I'm too bone idle to get to the switch. Also it makes me feel a bit like I've died.

Still. In one of the rare times I did turn the lights on, I found this gem:

Transcript: 'Beware Holly, the monster of Tower 17/She'll come and eat you for tea at 11:15'

The Church has its Priorities Sorted...

I guess it's important to cover all bases. Like the Philosophy for Everyone series. They know what the people want.

Aldarriozstenziecy

We're all connected

in the West Womb. Which is necessary for support when readers fail at even the simplest things.

Better they fail totally than change their minds though, like the guy who today ordered a bunch of books on the Trans-Siberian railway then cancelled them all, probably because he realised, wait, that sounds like a lot of hassle.

Also I hope this guy doesn't go to manuscripts:

On an unrelated note I read this a couple of days ago in a public toilet*:

For which I thank the graffiti artist.

*clarification: mooncup is 'the original silicone menstrual cup' which is reusable. Hot.

Oh, Ohhhh, Oh

 

...

I rarely talk about anything serious on this blog but here goes:

 

I want to walk John O Groats to Land's End. I really, really do. I dont care if I take the scenic route or not, I just want to walk that far. There's something really nice about the idea of getting up one day and walking and not stopping. Like Forrest Gump only running is so bliddy tiring I'd go for the leisurely, British counterpart; the hike, the ramble, the excursion.

So, if anyone fancies joining me, you get the pleasure of my company for the puny price of 874miles food and bedding.

Oh, and you'll have to carry stuff cos I'm not very strong.

Japes. Or Something.

I am at the point now where my job is in real danger of getting mundane, and have resorted to annoying people incessantly. Well, when I say resorted I mean I can't help it.

For instance, today I trapped a coworker between two 'rolling stacks' so he couldn't get out. Which is pretty funny, it's like if Lara Croft got trapped between those spiky walls only they weren't spiky and the power was sh*t. But then I let him out because I'm nice. Well, mainly because he couldn't really breathe. Well, when I say I let him out I mean someone else did.

Fred: Uncovered

Long ago I heard the legend of 'Fred,' the book that knocked a fetcher unconscious, but only yesterday did I finally meet Him.

His official name is  S827.a.3.

Those of you who are perceptive will realise I'm writing this at a usual work hour. This is because I have the whole, delicious morning off (weyyy) and am thus avoiding what some people term

Mm yes. Joy. Joy if you make a living selling the idea rather than doing it, anyway.

Saturday Schmatterday

Worked my first Saturday today and I have to say it was rather uneventful. The only change from a reg-lar day is that I have a shorter lunch break (boo) finish earlier (yay) talk to more readers (hm) and do someone else's reshelving. O, that and I got to be in RARE for a bit, which involved pressing a button to open a gate. And playing assorted alien/sudoku/snake/bejewelled games on my phone because nothing happens in RARE on a Saturday.

One thing that did happen and freaked the hell outta me was that I went down to WBB4 and got a book (this was the first time I went down the stairs to the basement, and on the worst day to do it I know, because there's no one around and so I was basically alone in the basement wandering I did not know where...) and anyway I found the book and walked over to the lift. And before I pressed anything the lift DELIVERED ITSELF to me and opened. There was no one in it or anything. No one anywhere. It just KNEW.

So I'm filing a report for paranormal activity right now. If we can't have a rapture at least there'll be some kinda broohaha for people to bother themselves with. Like Area 51.

I also recieved my end-of-probation form which was generally complimentary.

Or at least these sections were left blank and well, I feel sorry for the not-likely-to-be-satisfactory's, because that column ends with a 'notice of termination' section.

Good thing I'm great. And smart. And modest. Though not as modest as this author:

Manners, Cake and Scissoring

Ok so I love it when readers are polite, especially when they put please/thankyou on the callslips, since those little things are inhuman greenyellow printer vomit in my eyes half the time. Well, when I'm tired. So like... 3/4 of the time. A little 'thank you' goes a long way.

Though there is such thing as too much.

You may be wondering why I haven't posted in a while, and, well, it's because I've been both bored and eating cake.

A Hello Kitty cake no less, and if a cake with a cat's face doesn't do it for you, how about a cake without?

...

Today was pretty quiet as exam season goes, so I got some time to pigeonhole (sort out periodicals) aka 'p/hole'... Normally gratefully received since it means I can actually sit down for a bit, but none the greaterfully received than when I get a scissoring centrefold.

Virgin of the 9001.d.3097

Dude, where's my S400:1.b.95.31?

Oh, sod off. I'm busy.

Lost Books, Lonely Shoes and Unicorns

Thought I had lost a book today, and so I spent most of the morning in a blind panic. I imagine the only thing worse is actually losing a book, for which I think I would probably be locked in the tower or mysteriously involved in an accident with flatbed trollies.

Anyway, after that drama I was content to mindlessly fetch, and barely took in any interesting titles.

But I did see some more lonely shoes on the way home. Which makes: two pairs of lonely shoes, or as my friend the Count says: Uh, Uh.

I Risk My Life In There...

To all those people who think my job is boring + safe

 

You've obviously never run into your own trolley

Both Sides Now

I love it when both sides of the stack are open:

Totally gives me an 'open road' feeling, and I can't resist running through it. Sometimes singing, too.

Lunch Duty and 5-Day Week

Well it's back to real work, rather than that 3day/4day pretence we were at before, and to top it all off I have lunch duty. This wouldn't be so bad except I start feeling like I never see anyone, since lunch duty is 1hr15 of just 2 people fetching (or sometimes one) followed by lunch on my own. Well, without anyone I actually know, and I'm not keen on talking to strangers, like the guy today who tried to tell me all about Bedford (which is fun enough, apparently, if you come from Saffron Walden. I'm just glad he went back there.)

It's not all bad, because I did fnd an intellectual slogan for PETA

But I missed out on the royal wedding disposable cups, which was disappointing.